i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
