Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
