Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My first STD was from a foam party
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
