I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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