This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
