I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
