Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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