fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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