dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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