It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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