only you would photoshop your dick
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
