after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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