Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
