So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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