i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
