my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
