Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
