something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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