bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I am mentally ready for anal.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
