3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I got chris browned last night
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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