I just saw a hot homeless man
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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