when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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