I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
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You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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