so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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