i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
