listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
