Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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