dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
