Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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