real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
