I think i peed on brittanys purse
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
