Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
