If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
