Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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