I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
