His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Randomize
