dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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