she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
