You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
