Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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