i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
