non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
