i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize