Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
