home. puking in laundry basket.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
