someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
