Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
