I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
