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happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
