he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Randomize
