I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
