i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
