I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
