note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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