she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
40s are totally the cure
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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