I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
please don't ironically join a cult
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