no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
