She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
