I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You are the jesus of drinking
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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