I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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