What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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