We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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