If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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