Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
