Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
