dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
