I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
