I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
