is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
