He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?