I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
Hahaha April fools!
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries