dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
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eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
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I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
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