Texts From Last Night

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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.

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  (608): and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet. http://tfl.nu/bxi6
  Replies (22) Good night (757) Bad night (2160)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.

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  (920): I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on. http://tfl.nu/vax8
  Replies (15) Good night (3620) Bad night (691)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)

  (1-773): View more from Illinois

  How many people did you send this to?

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  (773): CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;) (1-773): How many people did you send this to? http://tfl.nu/e1gk
  Replies (11) Good night (4601) Bad night (636)
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  (585): View more from New York

  I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.

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  (585): I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me. http://tfl.nu/00st
  Replies (28) Good night (4871) Bad night (803)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions

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  (262): i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions http://tfl.nu/1ufy
  Replies (33) Good night (4393) Bad night (953)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.

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  (732): I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something. http://tfl.nu/rxn8
  Replies (22) Good night (4225) Bad night (1610)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.

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  (501): One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/77ib
  Replies (6) Good night (1194) Bad night (2974)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.

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  (613): I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable. http://tfl.nu/pwwk
  Replies (15) Good night (2413) Bad night (1220)
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  (315): View more from New York

  Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really

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  (315): Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really http://tfl.nu/gifi
  Replies (4) Good night (1834) Bad night (725)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.

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  (720): I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony. http://tfl.nu/wqpi
  Replies (15) Good night (2625) Bad night (1160)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.

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  (402): I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men. http://tfl.nu/t0j9
  Replies (14) Good night (2811) Bad night (727)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  That shot was terrible

  (1-502): View more from Kentucky

  You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up

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  (502): That shot was terrible (1-502): You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up http://tfl.nu/89cf
  Replies (0) Good night (384) Bad night (700)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.

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  (850): Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book. http://tfl.nu/62om
  Replies (2) Good night (1036) Bad night (402)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.

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  (+44): The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar. http://tfl.nu/70b2
  Replies (6) Good night (392) Bad night (1121)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED

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  (484): pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED http://tfl.nu/9rap
  Replies (3) Good night (168) Bad night (417)

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