My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen