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Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
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