Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Terrible idea I love it
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
