dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
